24 sleeps (a day of happy things)


Today has been a really happy day. I am so tired tonight, but it’s a happy sort of tired and that feels good.

I emailed T last night and she hasn’t read-receipted it yet, which has led to a small amount of panic at the distance between us. It has been manageable so far; her blanket is an inspired support.

Today I tried to do nice things for myself. So, in order, here are the things that made me happy today:

1. I played a whole bunch of beautiful pianos today, in the piano shop. I am looking to buy a digital piano because I miss playing horribly, so I was sort of window shopping. It was amazing to hear my feelings played in the notes again. I loved the feeling of movement and expression.

2. I had my nails manicured! This had a dual purpose; I have stopped biting my nails, so they were all gorgeous and long, and I wanted to reward that. But also, I had them done with Shellac, so they’ll last two weeks – by which time, I’ll be well over halfway through T’s holiday.. I’m hoping this stepped approach to surviving will help. They’re also a pretty colour 🙂


3. I booked an eye appointment for some new glasses – I need sunglasses for my Easter holiday! Very exciting to be planning for a break away, and also felt quite good to do something that is important and looks after my health.

4. I went for a walk with a lovely new friend of mine. We walked for over 2 hours in glorious countryside, stopping to pause along the way! It was absolutely beautiful, and the weather held for us which was so fab. She is also in her own treatment, so it was so helpful to talk to someone who truly ‘gets it’. She helped me connect a lot of the fireflies in my head together – more about them tomorrow. We walked past lots of beautiful places but this is the only one I thought to photograph.


5. I bought some incredibly fragrant flowers for my bedroom. They already make my room smell nice! Something about having fresh flowers feels so indulgent and decadent.


6. My housemate and I have had a really giggly evening, laughing about all sorts and sharing. She might not be living here for much longer, so I am appreciating her whilst she is.

7, and finally: being wrapped up in bed, T’s blanket round my shoulders and rabbit under my arm – I feel very safe. I miss T, but I am surviving.

Miss you still, though.



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