All At Once.

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All at once,
Every goodbye rains down,
Reminding me,
Until I am drowning,
But you’re too far away
To hear my gasps for air.

All at once,
The darkness I thought I’d forgotten
And the damp that used to stick to me,
Surrounds me,
But your light and warmth is dulled by distance.

All at once,
The fears become fever-pitched  roars,
The lions circling, where before
There were polar bears and rabbits
And us, cross legged on the rug,
But you’re too far away
To cover my ears.

All at once,
Certainties flee from me
Like birds from a tree after a shock.
I knew the truths, once, you told me,
But your voice is so distant,
Travelling over too many seas.

All at once,
Tears appear like waterfalls,
Crashing and relentless,
I forget that I ever knew of dry cheeks,
Untainted, mascara – clean sleeves,
And you aren’t there to stem the flow,
To turn off the tap with a touch.

All at once,
‘Before’ loses its meaning,
Becomes ‘Now’, or becomes conjoined,
Into an amalgamation I cannot navigate through,
Because you took the map for BeforeNow with you,
And I am not sure of the turns.

All at once,
It is too much to bear,
Though I know I will.

You will come back,
No matter what,
But I seem to have forgotten that,
All at once.

x

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2 responses »

  1. Ive been reading through your blog today – it is so well written!!! It sounds like you are on one heck of a journey, and facing all of lifes challenges with courage and strength. You are living out your story in a way that is truly inspirational. Keep fighting the good fight 🙂 x

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