…and her reply.


I am not going to leave you. When I say I am not going to leave you I really really mean that. 

Yes I don’t accept being told that I have to do something that doesn’t feel okay for me and I want always to be clear with you. So therefore when something doesn’t feel okay I will tell you straight. I cannot commit to always contacting you on the day that I travel back from being away. This is not something that you have asked of me before Thursday. On Thursday you were clear that nothing else would suffice. However I do understand that you want to know before a session that I am back because for you it is too hard to believe that I am really back.  
We have an agreement that you can email me whenever it feels to you that you need to and that you will text me only when it feels really important for you to do so. I don’t work at weekends and so try not to respond to contact then. Occasionally when it has felt imperative I have responded to you on a weekend. However I don’t always have my phone with me. We have agreed that I will only reply to your emails when I get the sense that it is important to do so and I have always kept to this. I am not withdrawing from you and I am still upholding this agreement for you despite the fact that this is not normally how I would work. I understand that this feels important for you and I am happy to do this.
The strength of our relationship is that this does not mean I am going to leave you. I know that this is hard for you to take in and believe and that you are constantly working on this. I celebrate that you are happy to tell me how things are for you and tell it how it is. I don’t want that to go underground. I want you to feel you can say whatever you need to say. My commitment to you remains the same. 
I am looking forward to seeing you on Thursday.

I love her. I’m hurting, bleeding, broken. But I love her.

Sleep, now. Sleep.



3 responses »

  1. Quite a hurdle, but it sounds like you made it over. Brava! And a brava to T. You might want to look at some structural things about the timing of the sessions (what day, whether you are the last client) and whether there is any wiggle room. Does T have any time between you and the next person? I’m unclear about that.

    • Yes there should usually be at the very least, 10 minutes. I was about 3 minutes late, and the next client was nearly the full 10 minutes early! Tbf I’m almost always the last client of the day so it isn’t usually an issue. I always have the same day and the same time, but she’d squeezed someone in after me because of her numerous holidays this month. Just one of those things, but it hurt like hell.

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