I stand by my comments last year that I think ‘resolutions’ are too harsh. I think you’re destined to fail if you make such definitive goals! Instead, I have found it much more supportive and challenging to have a set of ‘focuses’ to work towards. I’ve been thinking about the areas I want to work on this coming year. It’s actually been harder than last year, because things have been pretty stable recently. It’s quite exciting to be thinking about areas that ‘normal’ adults think about – instead of focuses that are purely survival or therapy based! So, here is my list for 2016.
1. To reduce the amount of therapy sessions I attend. This is probably the biggest on the list. Therapy has been the most challenging, fulfilling experience, and it’s changed my life in an immeasurable number of ways. I am not planning on quitting therapy – in fact, I would be quite comfortable with always technically being in therapy – just with very infrequent sessions. I would love, though, to feel secure and stable enough to let them drop in number. Currently, I see T once a week and some weeks we also speak once as well. I usually email her at least once or twice in the week, too. I see R every month, and GP every 3 to 4 weeks. These are secure, caring relationships that I trust. It would be amazing to be able to start to apply all I’ve been taught through the therapy process into real life with enough of my own stability to ensure that I don’t need to check in to theirs as frequently! At the moment, I feel a little like Bambi on ice – definitely capable, but still a bit wobbly and reliant on the stability of the things (or people…) around me. I would love to be more ice skater than Bambi!- to have more security, with longer times before needing to check in.
2. To begin to save money. I am not good with money. I am LOADS better than I was, but it’s still not good! I’m now starting to save for a house (and hopefully a wedding someday), so I want to start to be more careful with money. There isn’t any magic trick to this, I suspect I just need to keep this as a constant focus.
3. To be more intrinsically motivated – keep ahead of the game. I had a few very tough years at work when I first started, and this year has been the first that hasn’t put me under immense stress, all the time. I feel like that’s allowed me to rest… but perhaps too much. In work and in life generally, I can be tempted to leave things to the last minute (or ignore them entirely, if possible!) and I would like to be a bit more focused on keeping ahead of the game. This will help my anxiety, as leaving things often means I carry a portion of that worry with me. It’s a balance – I don’t want to go back to working 15 hour days just to get everything done immediately. But a balance would be good.
4. Care and respect my body. This will probably be something for me to focus on throughout my entire life. Being kind to my physical self doesn’t come naturally to me. I want to focus on being healthy in a holistic sense – not necessarily losing weight or running more, but just to be aware of my body, and trying to care for it. T talks a lot about how I feel in my body and how my body changes when I experience emotion… so far, I’m totally shut off from my body and refuse to have those discussions. But now I’m being kinder to my mind and soul, the next step is to be kinder to my body, too.
5. Be adventurous. This is another one that has to include balance. I don’t mean adventurous in a ‘throw caution to the wind’ way… I mean, be a little braver when it comes to the big and small adventures. I am a huge over thinker – I go over and over and over multiple outcomes of a situation, and sometimes that paralyses me into taking no action at all. I trust my gut, and this isn’t about ignoring it in the future… but, life is going to get very big in the next few years. I want all the big things to happen, but I’m bloody terrified too… so this focus is to encourage me to be a little braver when the big adventures come.
So, there are my focuses for 2016. I’m excited. 2015 has shown me how bright and beautiful the world can be… I hope 2016 is just as sparkly!
Happy New Year, blog world. Very best wishes for 2016.
P.s. If anyone has any spare wishes going at midnight tonight, please send them towards my Dad’s good health. I want to have many more years with him.