Tornado.

Standard

So T just emailed to say someone close to her/her children has died. 

She said she won’t be able to do tomorrow’s session… but then says “it doesn’t mean I am leaving you and I will be back as soon as I can”. 

…..as soon as I can? Does that sound like more than just tomorrow? 

I texted R who is going to see me tomorrow instead. Bless her heart. 

It does sound like longer than just tomorrow, though, doesn’t it.
Supportive words appreciated….. I feel like my insides are a tornado. 

X

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17 responses »

  1. Oh man, that’s tough!!! I would literally hateeeeee it if that happened to me so you have all my sympathy! I know that doesn’t help right now, sorry.

    I like that your T said that extra sentence though, it shows she knows it will be tough for you. When would you see T next? X

    • It would be next week, I think although I have a vague memory about her being away at some point in the next few weeks. I sincerely hope that isn’t next week.

      It sounds like more than a week though, doesn’t it.

  2. Oh, sweet girl. It is so hard to hear something so vague. My thought is that she maybe kept it vague on purpose, so that she wouldn’t promise something that she wouldn’t be able to deliver. It certainly doesn’t mean she WON’T see you next week. It might mean she isn’t 100% sure if she can be back by next week… but I would not assume that. Breathe, dear one. Your T loves you greatly – I have seen so much evidence of that. She is thinking of you even in the midst of what is clearly a tough time for her and her family, and that shows just how much you have become part of her life – just as she has become part of yours.
    The tornado will calm. Breathe in, breathe out. Hugs.

    • Thank you. That really helped to read. You’re right. I know she cares and her email starts with “I’m still well and safe but …. has died so…” which shows she knew this would be shit for me and also shows she cares enough to tell me why – knowing why makes it feel better than it would feel to not know.

      You’re right. No assumptions. I will ask R tomorrow what her availability is ongoing and then at least I know where I stand with that support.

  3. Massive hugs, thinking of you….there is not much I can add to what laurenslifeis has said, which was wonderful, and I would agree with it all. Whatever time she takes is not only for herself and her family, it is also so that she is able to be present with you and focus on you when she’s back. Planning for the meantime is a great idea, and hopefully will help with dealing with not knowing exactly when you will see her. This is such an incredibly hard situation, and my heart really goes out to you. I know there would a storm inside me too, in a similar situation (which I am expecting in due course, due to a terminal illness that I know about in relation to someone my therapist knows). I have often thought and feared what it will be like when it happens – you are very brave, but you are secure in her heart and thoughts xxx

    • Thank you. You’re right. I wouldn’t want her to be in session with me resenting it because her mind needed to be elsewhere. I am secure in her heart and thoughts. You’re right x

  4. So sorry to hear this, sorry for your therapist and sorry for you. She cares so much for you, she can’t be there for the session but she’s making sure you are thought of and cared about and she is trying to minimise the impact of this for you. Fingers crossed she can give you a more definitive answer soon.

    • Thank you. You’re right she is thinking about me and this morning I feel like a completely selfish cow because right now she needs the time and space and I’m finding it almost impossible not to lose my shit and throw all this attachment panic at her full force. Poor R is going to have a hell of a session tonight.

      • You’re not being selfish, you’re having a traumatic response. Hope your session went okay x

  5. That’s tough. My T cancelled a session the night before when her friend was dying. She asked me if I wanted to rearrange and I said, ‘yes next week, same time please.’ She was surprised to see me the week after so that was awkward.
    I hope it’s not too long and ideally only this week. She is being a bit vague really. It’s nice that she acknowledged how you might feel and think.

    • Oh God that’s my worst nightmare, turning up and not being expected! She was a bit vague but I guess she can’t know what time she needs. The person only died literally yesterday. Gah.

      • I was mortified! I knew something was wrong when she didn’t answer the door almost immediately as usual. I just wanted to go home and come back. She had put the session in what seemed a random date in her diary. Needless to say, I couldn’t really connect during the session.
        I hope she is in touch very soon. Even with her care and understanding, the uncertainty is horrible.

  6. That’s hard, and knowing rationally that it makes sense does not do much to lessen the pain. I’m sorry. I’m glad you were able to ask for support to R, it is very wise. I imagine, if I were in your shoes, I would also struggle with feeling guilty for being upset in such circumstances, even though it makes a lot of sense that it would be hard. I hope you

    • Thank you. Yes I am feeling guilty as hell for wanting to throw myself upon her in a bid to stop her from leaving and to feel close to her… when I know right now she needs the time and space. It is very difficult to keep Little remembering that though (or even caring tbh… she’s far too young to really understand grief or being left alone, even when the reasons are valid).

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