Up and Down.


So after 4 days of sitting and waiting and trying not to lose myself to madness entirely, T emailed tonight.

“I just wanted to check in and let you know I was safe because I know you will be wondering. I don’t know whether I will definitely be back for Thursday night but I wondered if we could do a session on the telephone one time that suited you. It isn’t always
easy to know in advance when I am free but I do have some free time and I would be happy to do a telephone session. As soon as I know definitely re Thursday night I will let you know.”

So, it still feels really unsettled to me. She doesn’t know for sure and I think it’s likely to cause more upset if I pin my hopes on a time and then she cancels.

Would this be an okay plan?

1.Speak to R as planned on Thursday.
2. Keep my appointment with GP as planned.
3. Email T back and ask her to speak but around those fixed points. Then if she does cancel on me I’ve kept secure support in place?

I think that sounds okay. Bizarrely having been desperate to hear from her, now I have I don’t quite feel ready to speak to her. A bit too raw, maybe.

That’s insecure attachment though, isn’t it. Screaming and crying to be picked up. Then screaming and crying to be put down.


P.s. Sass is not impressed. How dare T suggest that she KNOWS we will be thinking about her. Screw that… Sass doesn’t care at all. Oh dear.


6 responses »

  1. Thank you so much for sharing. Feeling better just knowing I’m not alone in these feelings. My therapist was absent for a few months and she finally came back two weeks ago. I was so desperate to be with her and now it’s difficult to speak to her.

  2. Hey. Ooh this is interesting isn’t it? I reckon it’s the anger that’s not quite ready to speak to her. As for the feeling of how dare she “know” I’m thinking of her, that would soooo be me!! Lol. I guess they are fully aware that we put them way up high on their pedestal. I think your plan sounds great. It sounds to me that she wants to keep the connection alive with you, but because she is struggling herself doesn’t want to potentially cause problems for you if she is slightly unattuned because of her own grief… agh so hard. X

  3. She sounds OK and, I suspect, even were she to postpone the contact, she’d soon make it right. You might ask yourself and the others what you’d do in her shoes. Perhaps there are some good possibilities in the way this will work itself out.

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