Ripping Up Us. 


I’ve woken up in a mess I’ve bitten through the inside of my lip so bled everywhere and I’m soaked with sweat and bits of my arms and legs feel carpet burned from the sheets.

I dreamed that I saw T and she was okayish with me but it didn’t feel quite right… She
felt far away so I asked if she could read the no matter what fox book and she started to read but then her kid came in asking her for paper for papier mache so she ripped the book into tiny pieces to give to him and I couldn’t make a sound but when he’d gone
I started to sob and she was screaming and angry and yelling at me and I wanted to leave but I couldn’t so I hid my head with my hands and with rabbit and she ripped up rabbit and twisted my wrists from my face so so hard and then I woke up 😥 

I know I don’t want to die because I want to my life but this morning I want to die I want to die I want to die. 
People are coming to mine for a party in a few hours. I don’t know how to go from here to there. Now I’m crying and I just don’t want to be this person. I’m meant to have woken up excited. 
Feel like Little needs to come live with R or GP for the weekend so she can be safe with them and not as unhappy as she clearly is with me. I’m sorry. 😦


4 responses »

  1. How incredibly painful. So hard to “wake up” from dreams like these, remember that they’re not really true despite the emotions behind the dream being very real and raw. I hope you can find your feet again so you can enjoy the party. T would never ever actually rip what you have with each other up. I’m only a text away if you need a bit of an ear.

  2. Sorry to hear of your distress. You clearly seem captured by the dream. As the day passes, I share “Tame That Brain’s” hope that the effects of the dream dissipate.

  3. That is a really horrible dream. I’m sorry you’re being so impacted by T’s absence. Hope you get through the party okay.

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